Libera Me (Requiem Series) Read online

  LIBERA ME

  Requiem Series #2

  by

  Christine Fonseca

  Libera Me

  Christine Fonseca

  Copyright 2012 @ Christine Fonseca.

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, taping, or by any information storage system without written permission of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

  ISBN (paperback): 978-0-9851804-8-5

  Compass Press books may be ordered through booksellers, Ingram, or by visiting our site and contacting us. http://thecompasspress.blogspot.com

  Because of the dynamic nature of the internet, any web address or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

  Stock imagery provided by Thinkstock. Cover design by CP Design.

  http://cpdesignandcompasspress.blogspot.com

  Compass Press 10/30/2012

  Other Compass Press novels by Christine:

  The Requiem Series:

  Dies Irae (Requiem novella)

  Lacrimosa (Requiem series #1)

  Mea Culpa (Requiem novella)

  Psychological Thriller:

  Transcend

  Dedicated to Aydan and Zane ~

  Your love of Nesy wove this story together; your sacrifices provided the story; and your courage took the story to new depths. Thank you both for becoming a “real” part of my world!

  Table of Contents

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  Delivery me, O Lord, from death eternal on that fearful day,

  when the heaven and the earth shall be moved,

  when thou shalt come to judge the world by fire.

  ~LIBERA ME, Requiem Mass, English Translation

  Chapter 1 – REMEMBER

  Puget Sound, Washington

  Aydan

  My feet hit the ground in a steady rhythm, cushioned by a soft blanket of pine needles and low foliage. Fog clings to the dawn as I crisscross the paths behind my apartment. The Sound is quiet this morning, most mornings. So different from New York and that life. So similar to Germany.

  I make my way up the hill, my muscles burning with the effort. My body still feels foreign to me. But not unwelcome. I like it here, like the life I’ve managed to forge. A life as human. A life with Nesy.

  The crest comes quickly, and beyond it the Sound. The water looks like glass in the morning sky, indigo streaked with orange and pink. I draw a slow breath. My senses fill with a heady mixture of pine and honeysuckle. Slowing my pace, I take in the vista—a meadow dotted with yellow buttercups, rich green trees that stand in startling contrast to the brown jagged rocks poking out from cliffs nearly unseen. And a smooth ocean that stretches to eternity. I pause, allowing a new peace to fill me. Hope and joy. I never expected to feel like this, never thought I was capable of happiness. Not after everything. But that changed the day Nesy arrived.

  Nesy.

  Nessa.

  Her image forms in my thoughts—the softness of her skin, dark brown hair woven with golden reminders of her true essence, blue eyes that can still reach into the darkest places in my heart. The vision renders me breathless. She may not believe me when I tell her of our lives together, may not remember being angelic.

  But I know who she is really is. And it’s definitely more than human.

  The vibration from my phone pulls on my focus. “Hey,” I say, unsure of who has called.

  “Hey.”

  Nessa. Her voice settles me in an instant.

  “Jogging this morning?”

  “How did you know?”

  “You sound out of breath.”

  I am. But not from the run.

  I laugh as I close my eyes. The sound of her voice fills me with excitement. I want her to remember our lives together, more than anything.

  “Should I call you later?” A note of sadness colors the words.

  “No, no. It’s fine. I wanted to call you anyway.” Uncharacteristic nerves tighten my throat. I swallow hard, willing a sense of calm that refuses to come.

  “You were?” Again I notice the melancholy timber to her voice.

  Something is wrong.

  “Yeah,” I say, pushing away a gnawing dread. “We’re still on for tonight, right?”

  “Definitely. I can’t wait.”

  I release the breath I didn’t realize I was holding, relieved that she isn’t calling to cancel. I’ve been planning tonight for the past week. Dinner at her favorite restaurant. An intimate moment or two. And then the necklace. Lorelei’s necklace.

  “Good,” I say. “For a moment I thought you were canceling on me again.”

  Nesy had grown distant over the past week, her eyes shrouded in the same sadness that now mars her voice.

  “Actually, I almost did,” she whispers. “My aunt scheduled another visit with my shrink. He told her I was on the verge of a breakthrough.” The pain is palpable now.

  I want to reach through the phone and kiss away the dark spaces, just like she’s done for me a thousand times.

  Before.

  It’s been a month since that first day in European History; a month since she came back to me. She still has no memories of our life together, no memories of Mikayel or Azza, no memories of Zane and Cass. Nothing before waking in her aunt’s house five weeks ago.

  Her aunt told her she’d been kidnapped when she was three. Told her that the memory loss was due to shock from the trauma of the kidnapping and whatever other horrors she’d likely experienced; traumas she feared every time she closed her eyes.

  Nessa was sent to a shrink three weeks ago, one she now sees twice a week as she tries to unlock memories I know don’t exist.

  If only I could help her to remember the truth; a truth that has nothing to do with being kidnapped. A truth far more traumatic than anything her human form could experience.

  If only.

  “A breakthrough, huh?” I know it won’t happen. “What do you think? Are you starting to remember things?”

  “I think he’s the one who needs therapy.” Her laugh brings a smile to my lips.

  “And?”

  “And I don’t care about getting my stupid memories back. I have everything I need.” Her voice, still coated in pain, is barely audible. “I have you.”

  “Nessa. It’s not enough, trust me. Getting your memories back, that’s—”

  “Unnecessary.”

  An uncomfortable distance fills the gaps between our words. She’s right in some ways. She doesn’t need a shrink. But she does need to remember. I need her to remember; remember and still choose me. Choose us.

  “So, what are you going to do about therapy?”

  “I told my au
nt I’m not going. Period. I’d rather spend time with you, with or without her permission. After all, I’m almost eighteen. What can she do? Ground me?”

  I don’t want her to get into trouble at home. And I can’t bear us being apart.

  “So, pick me up at seven?” The sadness has left her voice now, replaced with an almost desperate tone.

  “Deal.”

  “And Aydan?”

  “Yeah?”

  “I don’t need my memories to know I love you.” The words hang in an awkward silence, and I know she is trying to convince herself more than me.

  “I love you too, Nesy. I always have.”

  The call ends but her desperation lingers. Reaching into my pocket, I pull out Lorelei’s necklace, twisting the long chain. The winged charm catches the light, casting golden shards that reflect on the ferns littering my path.

  Remember Nesy. Please remember.

  Chapter 2 – Hope

  Zane

  Celestium is as it always is—powerful, secure, and unchanging. The sun glimmers off of the rooftops and towers of the Council, casting shades of emerald, ruby, indigo and gold across a cloudless sky. The distinctive scent of sunshine mixed with peace fills the air and I draw in a deep breath, noticing only what’s missing. Vanilla. Her scent.

  Gone.

  The breeze picks up, rippling through my wings as I pass my brethren. Mediators and Anointed stream by me, engaged in clipped conversations. Groups of Sentinals train in the distance, their disciplined moves almost poetic in their perfection. All of it is so normal, so routine. The same thing I’ve seen every day of my existence. And yet, none of it is right anymore. It’s as though I’ve been severed from my ties to Celestium, like I no longer belong. I feel as though I’m living behind a veil; alive, yet dead.

  What has happened to me?

  I walk past the Sentinal’s tower, listening to the grunts and screams of training. Nesy’s voice should still be among them. I stop, straining to make out every sound, every voice, hoping I will somehow hear her on the wind. Hoping that she is still with me.

  But there is nothing, no trace that she’s ever existed. She is not here. She will never be here again.

  Because of me.

  I shake away my despair, and continue on, searching for the one that can help me find Nesy among the humans. The one what can be my eyes and my ears. The one that will join me and Cass on assignments.

  The one to replace Nesy; as if such a thing were even possible.

  Caimael.

  More grunts come from the Sentinals as I pass the courtyard connecting the Sentinal and Guardian’s towers. I ignore the sounds, focusing only on finding Caim. He was present at the hospital with Lorelei. He stood by as Azza and Aydan nearly claimed her life six months ago.

  Was it only six months? It feels like six lifetimes.

  Because of Caim, Lori was nearly taken. Because of him, Aydan killed more angels.

  Because of him, Nesy and Aydan again found their love and Azza found a new enemy.

  And now, Caim is assigned to me.

  Great.

  Caim is the one that offered to find Nesy, payment for his botched job at the hospital. I remember that night in detail. I can still see the fear carved in Lorelei’s expression when Azza tried to kill her. I can still hear her tell me of Aydan’s love for Nesy, a love I understand but can never confess. One I should not feel.

  But I do.

  My knees buckle under the weight of my secrets as I cross the courtyard. I stop, drawing a sharp breath. I can’t give in to these feelings. I won’t. No good can come of it. I swallow them down, and walk into Sariel’s tower.

  The Guardians’ chambers are unique among the orders of Celestium. Not as soft or fluid as the Mediators and Anointed, but more ornate than the Sentinals. Sariel prides himself on his understanding of humanity. The tower reflects that understanding, that admiration. The walls are covered in intricately woven tapestries depicting humanity with all of its emotions. Thin folds of crimson and gold fabric cover the tall arched windows. The air is filled with the heady scent of orange blossoms and almond. My wings flit behind me as I make my way to the small antechambers, looking for Caim.

  The first two rooms are empty, filled only with a simple desks and chairs. I was expecting something more indulgent. More…human. Two Guardians are in the next room, seated in the simple wooden chairs, sharpening swords. They rise when I enter, nodding slightly.

  “I wondered when you might come for me.” Caim straightens to his full height, allowing his crimson-tinged wings to extend behind him. His hair falls in black curls framing his face. Between the color of his hair, and the green of his eyes, he reminds me of Lorelei.

  Almost.

  “I thought we could talk.” Each word is deliberate as it leaves my mouth. I don’t want him to hear the worry, the pain. I can’t let him see my secrets.

  The second Guardian meets my gaze as he leaves the room and Caim again sits, sharpening his blade.

  “I’d hate to be the one you’re thinking of right now.” I say, straddling the empty chair.

  Caim’s eyes meet mine for a brief moment. “Oh, you have nothing to worry about with me. I’m just a Guardian, remember. What harm would I do?”

  A slight chill crawls down my spine. “I don’t know,” I say. “Your expression reminds me more of the Sentinals. Of—”

  “Nesayiel.”

  Her name sounds wrong on his lips. I don’t know how to respond, what he thinks he knows. What Mikayel or the others may have told him.

  “Still,” I say when the words finally form. “You Guardians have been known to hold your own in a fight.”

  “That we have,” Caim smirks. “That we have.” He lays the sword on the table and faces me, his expression stoic. “Now, why are you here? I doubt it’s to make small talk. That doesn’t seem your style.”

  It isn’t. I hate mindless chatter. I clench my jaw, forcing the next words. “I need your help.”

  “So you’ve found her then?” Caim’s voice is steady.

  “I’m not sure. But I have found him.”

  “Aydan?”

  “Yes. Aydan.” I swallow back my apprehension. “Nesy can’t be far behind.”

  “Perhaps.” Caim extends his wings behind him and stretches his neck. “Perhaps not.”

  I don’t like Caim’s innuendos. Nesy will always find Aydan. As much as I wish it wasn’t true, their love always finds a way. Sooner or later. “Oh, I’m certain she’s with him. Somewhere. I just can’t sense her. Not now.”

  “Which is why you’ve come.” Caim’s flippant tone grates on my nerves, causing a flood of frustration.

  Cass warned me about accepting his offer of help. But the Council thought differently and assigned him to us.

  “Yes. I need to make sure it’s her.”

  Caim stands, signaling an end to our conversation. I follow suit, refusing to leave without an answer. “So? Will you go?”

  Caim tilts his head, a wry smile covering his expression. “I can’t, I’m afraid. Not yet.”

  I furrow my brow, scrambling to hide my disappointment.

  “Sariel has us working day and night. Apparently the Council has commanded that every order train harder. Longer.”

  “Gabriel hasn’t mentioned anything.”

  “Or maybe you’ve been too distracted to notice.”

  My jaw clenches and I grit my teeth. I’m tired of his games, no matter how true his words.

  I have been distracted, consumed with my need to find Nesy. Gabriel says the feelings will pass, that they’re natural given the scope of my sacrifice. Mikayel says its guilt, that I blame myself for her disappearance. And Cass, she accuses me of holding on to a dream that can never be. She wants me to let go of Nesy, let go of everything. While I still can.

  I think they’re all wrong.

  Maybe.

  “Look, I need to find Nesy. Those are my orders. Are you going to help or not?”

  “Sorry brother. N
ot this time.”

  “Fine,” I hiss.

  Anxiety ripples through me, tightening the muscles in my shoulders, my back, my wings. Caim was supposed to say yes. Only yes.

  Who will be my eyes now? Who will sense if Nesy has really returned? Who?

  I leave Caim and my thoughts wander to Nesy. I know she must be alive, but...

  My mind is lost, confused. How am I supposed to find her when I cannot sense her? And if I do finally find her, how do I keep her safe when I can no longer feel the demons, the UnHoly? How can I do battle when I have no ability to see what it is I am fighting?

  The questions bombard my thoughts as doubt coats my senses, further separating me from all that I am. I walk aimlessly through the streets of Celestium, lost in my own obscurity.

  “Zane.”

  I can’t tell where the sound comes from, whether or not it is real.

  “Zane.”

  The word envelops me, coming from everywhere. And nowhere.

  “Zane! Stop. Where are you going?”

  I continue to walk, oblivious. A hand falls on my shoulder and in an instant my mind settles. The questions cease and the shadow of doubt lifts, leaving in its place…

  Peace.

  “Zane. It’s me. Cass.”

  Cass. Of course. Only an Anointed can bring such peace so quickly. “What are you doing?” I ask, forcing my voice under control.

  “Me? I’m calming my friend. The real question is why does he need to be calmed in the first place? What’s going on Zane? Where were you just now?”

  I won’t share my thoughts with her, my burdens. Yes, she knows of my guilt, of what was traded for Nesy’s life. She even knows the true purpose of my frequent trips to Earth.

  But she has not seen the depths of my thoughts or my heart. Not yet.

  Not ever.

  “With Caim. We talked about our next mission.”

  “You mean you tried to convince him to help you find Nesy.”

  Silence is my only response.

  “Zane, you have to let this go. Even if you find her, what difference could it possibly make?”